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Mentions Freddie Prinze Jr...
15 minutes and counting
Updated: Mon, Jun 11 12:00 PM EDT
By Kevin Sheen
Daily Nebraskan
U. Nebraska
(U-WIRE) LINCOLN, Neb. -- Andy Warhol prophesied that one day everyone
would be famous for at least 15 minutes. Unlike Nostradamas, it
seems Mr. Warhol's prophecy has come true.
With the onset of reality television and the Internet, it seems
as though everyone and their grandma (no offense to any of you females
out there kickin' it old school) is getting a chance in the spotlight.
But with more of them popping up every minute, it seems the clock
is ticking ever faster for celebrities nowadays. So, for your convenience
I've put together a list to let you know exactly how much time your
favorite celeb has left before he, she or it becomes an E! True
Hollywood story or VH1 Behind the Music.
Robert Downey Jr.
Actor/inmate
Fifteen minutes.
By all rights he should be out of time, but he'll get another shot.
Yeah, I know he's a drug addict, but he's such a damn fine actor.
Reality Television
Proof you can have too many channels
Five minutes.
Because people are finally starting to realize that voting people
off islands and watching a manufactured pop group's struggle for
stardom isn't all that real after all.
Backstreet Boys
Spice guys
Two minutes.
I'm not sure if you noticed or not, but the Backstreet Boys' last
album ... sucked. Not to say their first two were gems, but they
at least had some catchy tunes on them. "Black and Blue"
is going to be the color of their egos if they try to put out another
album.
'N Sync
Menudoesque
Eight minutes.
It kills me to give these guys seven more minutes, but I've gotta
call 'em like I see 'em. Justin's dreamy, Lance is smart, and Joey's
from Brooklyn. Fagedaboutit!
Pokemon
What we get for bombing Japan
Thirty seconds.
And thank god. If you've never been exposed to these monstrosities,
count yourself lucky. Little stuffed animals that fire assorted
bodily functions out of a variety of orifices, all the while screaming
their own name. Kids today are going to grow up with some major
sexual issues.
Christina Aguilera
Tiny dancer
Eight to 13 minutes.
It all depends on how annoying her Coca-Cola commercials are this
summer and if she ditches her giant hair from the "Lady Marmalade"
video.
Leonardo DiCaprio
Drowning Romeo
Four minutes.
Did you see "The Beach"? DiCaprio's career is sinking
faster than that big boat he was on.
Freddie Prinze Jr.
Teen dream
Two minutes.
The man to blame for every single crappy movie made since 1997
(except "Battlefield Earth" ... that's all on Travolta).
Plus, he's marrying Sarah Michelle Gellar, so I hate him even more.
The Saltdogs
The Montreal Expos of the Heartland
Nine minutes.
Anyone who knows who Les Lancaster is knows what I'm talking about.
Haymarket Park is pretty, but did we really need something else
to make parking more difficult in this town? And can anyone tell
me what the hell a Saltdog is?
Napster
Almost as good as free porn
Any second now.
When you are unable to find a Kenny Loggins song, you know you're
in trouble.
The Weakest Link
Aptly named
One minute.
You are an annoying bitch ... goodbye. The host berates the contestants
so you don't have to, thus taking all the fun out of watching.
Sean Combs
"Bad Boy"
One minute.
You lose Jennifer Lopez and cope by changing your name to P. Diddy
-- you're kissing your own ass goodbye.
Destiny's Child
Interdependent women
Ten minutes.
These ladies have made enough money to pay everyone's telephone
bill by writing a crappy song about a crappy television show. Only
in America.
Britney Spears
The reason Bob Dole takes Viagra
Nine minutes.
Britney has taken a break from recording to film her feature film
debut. We can only hope the film can compete with such classics
as "Cool As Ice" and "Spice World."
The Bush twins
Make up your own joke
Eight minutes.
Not only is their dad the leader of the free world, but he's also
the president of the United States. But admit it, the Gore girls
would never have been this fun.
(C) 2001 Daily Nebraskan via U-WIRE
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